“It’s an honor to be selected and entrusted with the retrieval of the logbooks from the NPI vault. I’m taking this responsibility quite seriously.”

Cindy Klaus, NPI Executive Vice President

Pomp

Each year, the North Pole, Inc. vaults are opened for several hours so that high-ranking NPI officials may retrieve hard copies of delivery and distribution instructions. Two log books and supporting data will be ceremoniously removed from the vault by NPI Executive Vice President, Cindy Klaus, tomorrow morning in preparation for year-end NOTI (Notice Of Terminated Inclusion) or NIS (Noted Individual, Send) classifications.

The heavily guarded vaults, located deep beneath NPI headquarters, contain everything from NPI’s secret proprietary fuel mixtures to delivery data on 4 billion individuals worldwide. (See photo in Wednesday’s report).

Circumstance

The annual event is equal parts ceremony and symbolism, and signals that preparation for NPI’s coveted SameDay™ worldwide delivery service has been set in motion. The event also marks the beginning of the Annual World Summit held at NPI headquarters each year—which is slated to begin this Saturday.

“Our 200 year aging process spells good old frothy wondrousness.”

Terry Vixen, NPI Inuit Spirits and Bottling Master Beverageer
UPDATE: 2007 Noggin Released Today

A centuries-old North Pole holiday tradition, this year’s Noggin, the exhilaratingly potent egg and whale-milk based malt beverage, is available now through December 24th.

Each pint is aged in NPI polar ice cellars for over 200 years to ensure a heady, thick and frothy perfection that drinks like a meal.

Noggin is produced at the NPI Inuit Spirits and Bottling plant and sold in keepsake Nordic-style Inuit steins.

The NPI vault, accessible only via a labyrinth of underground rivers

“This partnership may be just what we’ve been searching for!”

McCann A. Liszt, NPI CIO

Polar Power

North Pole, Inc. was excited to learn last week that Google is looking for partners in their renewable resource initiative.

Our location inspires many “polar ice melt” hydropower and “methane gas” renewable energy jokes, but I assure you, NPI power plants are not smoke and mirrors; they’re such stuff as dreams are made on.

NPI’s development of solar, anaerobic digestion, and geothermal processes have been well documented over the centuries. But the power required to enable and sustain our SameDay™ worldwide delivery service has led to far more sophisticated renewable resource advancements—the details of which are closely held NPI trade secrets.

Searching for Energy

NPI is willing to offer some of our vast renewable energy knowledge in exchange for a bit of Google’s search engine expertise.

Frankly, we need to improve our search, data query, and value attribution capabilities in determining NOTI (Notice Of Terminated Inclusion) or NIS (Noted Individual, Send) status and delivery compliance. We have several billion people in our database and many of those records are still kept on paper in the NPI corporate vault.

Reconciling it all for year-end deliverables is sapping every ounce of energy we have.

“Each morning it seems the corporate grounds are less berg, more sea.”

John Donder, NPI Vice President, Facility Engineering
NPI Red: The New Green

North Pole, Inc.’s (NPI) distinctive red brand turned decidedly green this week as NPI distributed red woolen caps to its 380 million customers worldwide to create awareness about the ever-shrinking polar ice cap encroaching on NPI facilities.

In typical NPI fashion, the 380 million caps were distributed to 65 countries in under 2 hours.

“I live fast and suffer the media rumor mill for it. So I’m starting my own mill.”

Kris Kringle, North Pole, Inc., President and CEO
Truth Matters

As President and CEO of the world’s premier product development, delivery and distribution company, I find the details of my personal and professional life the object of much speculation.

Both the press and word of mouth (WOM) tales are rife with rumor and disinformation. People don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m launching this blog to provide a true insider perspective on all things NPI.

Sure, we’re looking for positive spin, but I’ve charged our public relations staff with telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help them me.

Over the next few weeks, my colleagues and I will publish personal reflections and commentary, as well as our take on breaking NPI news and responses to media issues—bad or good—on a daily basis, so stay tuned.