Kris Kringle
Mother of Cindy Klaus

Kris Kringle ponders what took her so long.

“I am the mother of both Kia Kringle and Cindy Klaus.”

Kris Kringle, President, CEO of North Pole, Inc.
“It’s true, I lied.”

“I discovered I was pregnant with Cindy 29 years ago tonight, just half an hour before my husband, world renowned wildlife photographer Sandy Klaus, left on a polar bear expedition. As he boarded the Polar Express, he pleaded with me not to tell anyone about the baby until he got back. He never returned, and I’ve honored his request…until now. I’m glad this is finally all out in the open,” said Kringle.

“Wassup, Sis?” sniped a wobbly Kia Kringle to Cindy Klaus.

Game Over

During their offsite meeting at Camp Ellesmere earlier this week, NPI CEO Kris Kringle and Vice President of Operations Wallace Nunavik amicably settled their differences over Nunavik’s allegations of unfair employment practices. It turns out Kringle had some allegations of her own; Nunavik falsified information on his resume.

“We’ve known for years that Wally’s degree was not earned at the United State’s prestigious Harvard University. He attended the Harvard Outpost Hyperborea Observatory (HOHO),” Kringle declared.

“It seems so unreal now, but it’s the only way I believed I could get a job at NPI,” explained Nunavik.

“Despite the lies, we’ve taken good care of Wally,” said Kringle, “He’s been making executive-level pay all these years.”

“He what?” cried Cindy Klaus.

In reply to reporter’s questions about the timing of the announcement in the midst of the holiday rush, Kringle borrowed the NPI company tagline, “It’s all about delivery.”