Wishing you and yours a most joyous holiday and a prosperous, happy and healthy 2008.

It’s All About Delivery™

Well, we’re entering crunch time here at NPI as our SameDay™ delivery date draws nigh. We’ve enjoyed sharing our corporate successes, shenanigans and secrets with you this holiday season, but now it’s time to focus on our core objective, “It’s All About Delivery.” So we’re signing off for the remainder of the season to do just that. Then we’re off for an extended vacation in 2008.

Thank You

Thanks to all who visited and for the many comments, emails, phone calls, links and tweets we’ve received. For those of you who won chocolates and t-shirts—enjoy!

From all of us at North Pole, Inc. to all of you, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Cheers,

Kris Kringle, President and CEO of North Pole, Inc.

Kris Kringle ponders what took her so long.

“I am the mother of both Kia Kringle and Cindy Klaus.”

Kris Kringle, President, CEO of North Pole, Inc.
“It’s true, I lied.”

“I discovered I was pregnant with Cindy 29 years ago tonight, just half an hour before my husband, world renowned wildlife photographer Sandy Klaus, left on a polar bear expedition. As he boarded the Polar Express, he pleaded with me not to tell anyone about the baby until he got back. He never returned, and I’ve honored his request…until now. I’m glad this is finally all out in the open,” said Kringle.

“Wassup, Sis?” sniped a wobbly Kia Kringle to Cindy Klaus.

Game Over

During their offsite meeting at Camp Ellesmere earlier this week, NPI CEO Kris Kringle and Vice President of Operations Wallace Nunavik amicably settled their differences over Nunavik’s allegations of unfair employment practices. It turns out Kringle had some allegations of her own; Nunavik falsified information on his resume.

“We’ve known for years that Wally’s degree was not earned at the United State’s prestigious Harvard University. He attended the Harvard Outpost Hyperborea Observatory (HOHO),” Kringle declared.

“It seems so unreal now, but it’s the only way I believed I could get a job at NPI,” explained Nunavik.

“Despite the lies, we’ve taken good care of Wally,” said Kringle, “He’s been making executive-level pay all these years.”

“He what?” cried Cindy Klaus.

In reply to reporter’s questions about the timing of the announcement in the midst of the holiday rush, Kringle borrowed the NPI company tagline, “It’s all about delivery.”

“Kris made me an offer I couldn’t refuse—reminded me how we used to swim with the fishes and why that’s no longer a viable option.”

Wallace Nunavik, NPI Vice President of Operations
Elles Mere Friends?

Against the advice of NPI counsel, CEO Kris Kringle and Vice President of Operations Wally Nunavik met alone at NPI’s Ellesmere Island camp yesterday to discuss Nunavik’s nepotism claims privately.

Aides cleared Kringle’s schedule so the childhood friends could have the day free to discuss the matter. The location was a familiar one; both families have homes on the island and Kringle and Nunavik summered there together as children.

The two reportedly reached an accord and Kringle quickly dispelled rumors that hush money was involved by stating, “Let’s just say Wally now understands that blood is indeed thicker than ice.”

The parties have agreed to release additional details at a mutually appropriate time.

“Diamonds, Fragrances, Spirits—the only commodity we can’t harvest from our permafrost is gold. But that will be reconciled at year’s end.”

Rudy DeDeers, NPI, Chief Financial Officer

Diamond and Fragrances and Spirits, Oh My!

After hundreds of years of research and development, North Pole, Inc. is proud to announce three luxurious RedIce products, made from carbon-based crystalline forms found only in the Arctic permafrost.

RedIce Diamonds

Certified brilliant, RedIce Diamonds were formed millions of years ago. The pressure of the permafrost and extremely frigid temperatures creates an incredible tensile strength that ensures these stones lack the imperfections found in diamonds formed from a combination of heat and pressure. RedIce Diamonds are available now at fine jewelers everywhere.

RedIce Perfume

Extracted from the permafrost and exposed to pure, rarefied Arctic air early in the diamond formation process, the carbon crystals are fired at extremely high temperatures to create a liquid, then distilled to produce a clean, invigorating fragrance. RedIce Perfume, naturally infused with pheromones, appeals to both men and women. It joins Klein, Lauren, and Dolce & Gabbana among the elite fragrances of today.

RedIce Wine

Sexy, smooth, and delicious, RedIce Wine is the final 2007 NPI product harvested from permafrost crystals. Extracted, distilled, then fermented, RedIce Wine contains antioxidants and minerals that create a cryogenic effect, temporarily retarding aging. RedIce Wine is produced and bottled by NPI’s Inuit Spirits and Beverage Company, maker of Arctic Noggin.

An age-old NPI acronym has been named 2007 Word of the Year by US lexicographer Merriam-Webster.

A quick visual reference stamped in the margins of NPI logbooks for centuries, woot is an acronym for “want one of those.”

It has apparently come into usage recently outside the NPI vaults and is now widely understood as a simple expression of joy.

Woot!