Wishing you and yours a most joyous holiday and a prosperous, happy and healthy 2008.

It’s All About Delivery™

Well, we’re entering crunch time here at NPI as our SameDay™ delivery date draws nigh. We’ve enjoyed sharing our corporate successes, shenanigans and secrets with you this holiday season, but now it’s time to focus on our core objective, “It’s All About Delivery.” So we’re signing off for the remainder of the season to do just that. Then we’re off for an extended vacation in 2008.

Thank You

Thanks to all who visited and for the many comments, emails, phone calls, links and tweets we’ve received. For those of you who won chocolates and t-shirts—enjoy!

From all of us at North Pole, Inc. to all of you, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Cheers,

Kris Kringle, President and CEO of North Pole, Inc.

Kris Kringle ponders what took her so long.

“I am the mother of both Kia Kringle and Cindy Klaus.”

Kris Kringle, President, CEO of North Pole, Inc.
“It’s true, I lied.”

“I discovered I was pregnant with Cindy 29 years ago tonight, just half an hour before my husband, world renowned wildlife photographer Sandy Klaus, left on a polar bear expedition. As he boarded the Polar Express, he pleaded with me not to tell anyone about the baby until he got back. He never returned, and I’ve honored his request…until now. I’m glad this is finally all out in the open,” said Kringle.

“Wassup, Sis?” sniped a wobbly Kia Kringle to Cindy Klaus.

Game Over

During their offsite meeting at Camp Ellesmere earlier this week, NPI CEO Kris Kringle and Vice President of Operations Wallace Nunavik amicably settled their differences over Nunavik’s allegations of unfair employment practices. It turns out Kringle had some allegations of her own; Nunavik falsified information on his resume.

“We’ve known for years that Wally’s degree was not earned at the United State’s prestigious Harvard University. He attended the Harvard Outpost Hyperborea Observatory (HOHO),” Kringle declared.

“It seems so unreal now, but it’s the only way I believed I could get a job at NPI,” explained Nunavik.

“Despite the lies, we’ve taken good care of Wally,” said Kringle, “He’s been making executive-level pay all these years.”

“He what?” cried Cindy Klaus.

In reply to reporter’s questions about the timing of the announcement in the midst of the holiday rush, Kringle borrowed the NPI company tagline, “It’s all about delivery.”

“This new product is so cool it will roast your chestnuts.”

Nathanial Cole, NPI Lead Industrial Designer
Lose Yourself

Tired of the same old place and time? The WiTele transports you elsewhere at the touch of a button. Engineered by Herbert G. Welles, the WiTele repurposes NPI’s proprietary SameDay™ worldwide order and delivery technologies.

iPhone Rendered Old School

Compatible with the iPlanet personal cosmos transport set for release this spring, the WiTele features teleportation, web browsing and personal communication capabilities. It even plays your mp3s.

When you get tired of transporting yourself through the space-time continuum simply turn the WiTele vertically to alter your reality completely.

A holiday bestseller in Kris Kringle signature red.

“Kris made me an offer I couldn’t refuse—reminded me how we used to swim with the fishes and why that’s no longer a viable option.”

Wallace Nunavik, NPI Vice President of Operations
Elles Mere Friends?

Against the advice of NPI counsel, CEO Kris Kringle and Vice President of Operations Wally Nunavik met alone at NPI’s Ellesmere Island camp yesterday to discuss Nunavik’s nepotism claims privately.

Aides cleared Kringle’s schedule so the childhood friends could have the day free to discuss the matter. The location was a familiar one; both families have homes on the island and Kringle and Nunavik summered there together as children.

The two reportedly reached an accord and Kringle quickly dispelled rumors that hush money was involved by stating, “Let’s just say Wally now understands that blood is indeed thicker than ice.”

The parties have agreed to release additional details at a mutually appropriate time.

“They provide a great anaerobic power resource, but the residuals are another matter. It’s a very dirty job.”

Mike Rowman, Manager, NPI Grounds
Over Herd

The reindeer and caribou indigenous to the North Pole have always had their run of the NPI grounds. Over the years it’s kept maintenance crews very busy, and more recently, it’s kept the anaerobic converters humming.

Could Care-a-Boo

Employees barely notice the free range animals. In fact, some even claim to chew the cud with the teeming ruminants.

“Some of my best friends are reindeer,” winked NPI CEO Kris Kringle in a recent Charlie Rose interview.

Leaping to Conclusions

The feeling seems to be mutual. The four-legged denizens often appear to leap with joy when encountering NPI staff. In fact anyone who takes issue with the their preferential treatment is often encouraged to take a flying leap themselves.